A nucleus of members of Beit Klal Yisrael first met about 10 years ago because we had all experienced anger and frustration at the lack of understanding of the position of patrilineal Jews, not only by the Jewish community but by non-Jews as well. At the time, BKY was associated with the Reform movement; even founding members of the community were denied voting membership because they did not have Jewish mothers, only Jewish fathers. We started as a group of four or five and have hovered around the seven or eight mark. Most of our members are women, partly because, for men, the issues around patrlineality can be different. We aim to meet four times a year.
All of us have found different ways of dealing with Jewish institutions. But we have in common a strong belief that our identity should not be dependent on rabbinical approval, and that we cannot be made Jewish, because our identity already includes Jewishness among other elements. Our group really got going after a BKY Identity Panel event involving patrilineals talking to the community about their sense of identity. Among those present, as an observer, was freelance writer Emma Klein, in the process of writing her book Lost Jews.
We have to find a way of living with our Jewish and non-Jewish connections that does not involve betrayal of either. Knowing ourselves by sharing our family stories and experiences with others like us is sometimes a painful and difficult process. Some very private things are said and for this reason our group does not advertise or hold public meetings. We are open to new members but it takes time to settle in and establish trust.
We have gained strength from finding similarities in our circumstances. Several of our number are children of Holocaust survivors and for them the lack of acceptance by the Jewish community at large can feel very harsh. We enjoy our meetings and often lighten the difficult things with laughter and fun. We organise an annual Kabbalat Shabbat service on a theme that suggests itself during the meetings.
Organising the Shabbat services gives a practical outlet for our energy and allows us to share our insights – and some astonishing family histories – with the rest of the community, whether they are single matrilineal, both parents Jewish, secular Jewish or Jew by choice. We hope to open minds to the consequences of halachic interpretation for people they know to be part of their own Jewish community, and to move away from accepting unthinking assumptions about status. We want to open a debate that does not see us as anomalous beings, to be corrected by institutional means.
We are also seeking a response to our struggle that does not ask us to put aside our non-Jewishness as the price of belonging.
The author has requested anonymity[Liberal Judaism Today, Marzo 2007]